I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
