Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
