What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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