I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
