You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
