I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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