i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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