well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
