Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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