I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
