who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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