i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is wine microwaveable?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
