hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
