I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
