she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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