Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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