Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
