At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
