went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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