we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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