those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
