How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
