"it" just moved
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
