I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
