Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
