we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I believe in your delicious
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
