I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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