Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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