Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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