I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My ATM looks so different sober.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
