omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
