i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
