Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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