I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
