u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
