Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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