@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
