well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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