Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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