Got a toothbrush?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
