Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
