omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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