The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
