I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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