i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
