I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
