The beer is more important than you right now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
