I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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