If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
