Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
