Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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