Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
