just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
