yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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